finally done with the rental cars!

Soooo My dad got tired of waiting for my car to get fixed. Because its been in the shop since the day after we got it. So we took the "money back if you find a reason to hate it deal" I really loved my mazda 3. for the whole 6 hours i drove it. but i dont like the prius ive been driving as a rental. soooo my dad took a half day and before i knew it we were on our way to the outskirts of savannah to get my new car. Helllllooooo statesboro.

then he saw it.

meet the mazda cx 9. My new car.

Dad: "its perfect"

Me: "no daddy its really not!"

Dad: "itll be good in the snow. and well you wont die"

Me: "yeah im not gonna die, cuz im not gonna drive it"

Dad:" You are getting it"

Im not match for the native american "i'll kill you look"

when the keys hit my hands im pretty sure i had a look of horror on my face. AND im pretty sure this was all pre-planned.

SO I took this pic and sent it right away to 2 people. a best friend and my gf. (who probably hasnt seen it yet) and my best friend text back... "haha thats a mom car"

so we went tried to find the best possible things about the car. This is the list.

1. lots of space. ;) sexy time. (funniest)

2. if you put the seats down you can fit a surf board and a keg at the same time.

3.tailgating! you dont have the traditional truck BUT you can fit 7 of your friends comfortably and a grill and a cooler bam! FOOTBALL here we come!

4. If you can move it, you can fit it.

5. you can hit curbs and not mess up your tires!

It drives nice though. I wont lie. I just gotta get over the mom car look. Hopefully i can find something that will fix that. :) or maybe not. because it is pretty momish.

I live for.

coffee and long drives. music that gives me goosebumps. books that make my life better. watching the leaves fall. laughing so hard that i breathe better afterwards. slowly gaining confidence in my purpose. seeing old people still in love. clean sheets and long naps. the feeling of the sun on my face, or the wind. walking across campus with headphones and smiles. the sense of accomplishment after writing a paper i am proud of. being under big comfortable blankets with the window open in the fall. running. food. omg, food. hearing her mumble "i love you" right before she falls asleep. days with nothing to do. the way even this routine feels satisfying. understanding myself and things that help that process. simplicity. non dramatic situations. funny movies and stand up comedy. the L word reruns and root beer floats. arby's market fresh sandwhiches. flip flops and hoodies. jeans that make my ass look good.. college football.feeling very small in contrast to it all and being amazed. knowing that i know nothing. new flowers in the spring. waking up in a good mood. the rare moments of silence. sitting alone in the library until all hours of the night typing. life changing classes.

the simple things.

It goes on.

My brother after all the hell he gave me about my "epic tire adventures" got into a wreck today.  (i'll post pictures at a later date)

My dad called me to give me a chance to tell him the "honest" assessment of the damage.
Me: "daddy its bad. lol"
My brother: " no it really isnt!"
My dad: laughs "its that bad?"
Me: "he hit a pregnant lady. He has negative karma points. I'm not going anywhere with him for a while"
My dad could do nothing but laugh.

Today i was finally able to enjoy this wonderful weather. I was told to take it easy. So i just went for a walk. and sat on the back porch.

I guess this is the healing process.  so far so good.

oops.

Soooo.

My father and (soon to be) step mom decided that I (the bike riding dork) should probably start driving my step moms car. (her honda civic.) yay!

Not.

I mean. It's a totally nice thing to do. I like the civic its a nice car. But I really hate driving lol, and in terms of gas its great! (its a hybrid) I just suck at driving. really I am a horrible driver. In the first few minutes of driving this happened.



What exactly happened? you might ask...

Good question.

wellllll... I was driving the 2.5 miles home from school and turned onto my street...there was a person riding his bike in the road. and I kinda drove around him...and ACCIDENTLY off the road.

oops.

I made it home...thankfully. Walked in the house and told my step mom what happened.

"Mom...Um I was trying to avoid a guy in the road...and I went off the road and pop the tire I think...Its going flat...and there is a hissing noise. UMMMM...I didnt mean to do it...I'm sorry"

My brother: "are you serious...You have had it for like 2 hours and all but 15 minutes was spent driving. wooowww"

My step mom after laughing hysterically: "Now i know why your dad didnt like the idea at first."

I got a lecture... and my brother and his best friend fixed the whole situation while talking about "women drivers"

Maybe they will stop trying to make me drive everywhere. Really I like my bicycle. It's safe for everybody... Including the enviroment.

that kind of blog.

Somebody told me today that I should apply to 10 or more law schools. My eyes probably looked like they were about to bug out of my head. lol if every application is like the 3 I just finished. I wont have a life for the next thousand years... But it is law school. I probably wont have a life for a while. Oh well... I guess its time to find more schools.
so far its:

UNC-Chapel Hill
William and Mary
American University.

Those are my top three choices anyway. Based on location. (they are all still in the south...but north enough I get to experience the 4 seasons hopefully?!)

I've been trying to fix things with my mom. Things haven't really been easy for her lately and ignoring her phone calls dont work anymore... My dad and I had a chance to talk about it last night. there is no harm in trying right? Which brings up Thanksgiving.

Once again I am struggling with the choice of who I want to spend that holiday with. My dad actually said something about me making dinner that night with him. (which is probably the safest bet for me.) The only thing I like about this time of the year is October starts after tomorrow...which means 31 days of sometimes absolutely horrible horror movies...and my birthday of course :)

I leave for Kansas in a few days. Which is mildly exciting. I think I could really like it there. I mean really I hate living in one place for too long which pretty much means i'll like it anywhere but here for now. lol. The only thing is could I hold down a job like teaching and going to law school at the same time? Even better...where would I go to school in Kansas? Teaching would be fun. But law school is a goal. A dream. If I had to pick law school would come first. I'm afraid if I take time off, I'll never get to law school.

We will see I guess. Life makes it's own plan sometimes. :)

I made this epic playlist. I am in love with it. Its amazing. lol but im not going into details about that right now :)

High hopes for a good day :)

first post.

It's raining outside. A tropical storm is in my area and im loving the sweet southern rain thats falling. This is how I know I am home. The smell is intoxicating...So I leave the windows cracked. It's cool outside too. None of the normal humidity. It's a pleasant change...I love it.

Today at school this happened.

Girl tries to start a car..doesnt happen.

me: "hey Your alternator is probably out. You should probably get a tow truck or if you dont live far and dont want to pay for that kinda thing get a fresh battery turn off all your electronics and you might make it home"

Girl "oh i didnt know you were that type of..."
(do i really need to finish that sentence?)

All i really could do was sigh, shake my head and continue on my way. No need to waste time being helpful to someone who obviously does not appreciate it.

anyway.

Today I spoke to a friend. Well in all honesty I dont know what she is. Acquaintance...Friend. Probably more of an acquaintance, (labels are hurtful right? lol)

We havent really been able to talk lately. Completely my decision. My situation these last few months has pretty much made me feel like I want to shut down for everybody except my partner and a few other people.. (the few I mean like my great grandmother and my father lol) but today I had time in between classes so i finally responded to her email, and she texted me right away (gotta love technology right?)

Our conversation was strained at the very least. I was caught holding back on my beliefs of her inspirations. Really who am i to burst someones bubble? I really didnt know how to talk to her. I felt like any reason for socializing I had at that point had been torn away. How am I supposed to talk to people about their personal lives when I dont care to talk to people about mine. How are you supposed to make friends at all if you refuse to offer up anything about your life?

Dont get me wrong. When I have to talk I do. In class... in the school club meetings... When I want to talk I have those people to talk to. But most of the time... I really dont have much to say. Which is probably why the amount of people I talk to is limited. Why spend time talking, when you can shut up and do?

To me...that doesnt make me shut off or closed up. It's just honestly how I was raised. I love talking to certian people. lol ask my partner...I have the ability to talk an ear off. But really I believe that it is an intimate thing. (in all reality its probably a native american thing. I have been told that once or twice.) I just forgot the art of really opening up to strangers I guess. which could either be a good thing or a bad depending the way you look at it.


What is friendship anyway?

Every friend I have had turned out to be not really that friendly, and if you are lucky enough to have those few rare real, good friends...how do you maintain that relationship?